Bottoms Up

This blog has been pretty heavy going but I knew this adventure would unveil some lighter moments and apparently, there is scientific evidence that laughter is beneficial for everyone.

On Wednesday, I had an appointment with an oncologist (cancer specialist) to discuss chemotherapy. After listening to my medical history, she (for it was a lady) said ‘Right – now I’m going to examine you so just hop up onto the couch’.

The consulting room was pretty full – me, the wife, the oncologist and two nurses.

A nurse in a dark blue uniform (sister ?) accompanied me to the couch in case I needed a helping hand. I didn’t, and as I was familiar with the drill, I hopped up, laid down facing the wall and lowered my tracksuit and boxers and pulled my knees up towards my chest.

A slight pause – come on, get on with it. Get the gloves on and just do it.

‘Oh Mr. Brightside. You misunderstood. This morning I only want to feel your tummy and listen to your chest.’

I rapidly pulled up my clothing and rolled over onto my back. The nurse had a neutral expression but I broke the silence with ‘God – I’m awfully sorry. I’m sure you could have done without that. Especially so soon after breakfast’ which gave everyone a laugh.