Chemotherapy Comedy Awards

Enough of the boring medical updates. With the Grammy awards allocated and the Oscar nominations in, it’s time to present the contenders for the inaugural ‘Chemotherapy Comedy Awards’ where we look back at humorous moments and amusing quotes during the three months of chemotherapy.

  • ‘Careful – we don ‘t want all these ladies going beserk’ after being asked to unbutton my shirt without the curtains being drawn.
  • ‘Be assured, Mr. Brightside, I’ve seen it all before and so have these ladies’ – the nurse’s quick-fire response which filled the room with laughter.
  • ‘It’s the secret of a long and happy marriage doctor’ – my response to a surprised doctor’s reaction to the news that my wife had already examined my backside earlier that morning.
  • ‘Do you mind if I have a feel ?’ ‘No – go ahead – it’s the best offer I’ve had this week’. My response to a pretty Irish nurse attempting to rectify a failed attempt to access the portacath device.
  • ‘Has the ileostomy bag been a great help then ?’ I was sorely tempted to reply ‘Not really – it was much easier to pooh out of my arse like everyone else’.
  • ‘Any problems with breathing ?’ Standard fortnightly medical checklist question. The reply was always ‘Nope – I am still breathing’.
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