crunch time 

Eight months on and we now approach the home straight of this arduous, emotional journey.

Yes – the destination of the Premiership will be decided on Sunday and it looks likely that Manchester City will prevail and deservedly lift their first title in 44 years. The trophy will be presented to them – gift wrapped on a silver platter – by Sir Alex Ferguson.

In other news, my surgeon offered me a date for surgery – Thursday 17 May. As the footy season has now finished and this offers the prospect of rest and recuperation in time for Euro 2012, I gleefully accepted. As an added bonus, I will also get to watch Chelsea take on Bayern Munich in the European Cup Final dosed up to my eyeballs on morphine.

The surgery is complicated – there will be a team of surgeons and it will take 12 hours. As a man who gets queasy during ‘Casualty’ I will spare you the gory details and summarise the complex procedure as ‘They are going to remove the tumour together with most of my backside and rebuild it using just one element of my non-existent six pack’.

I am scared shitless slightly apprehensive but bizarrely the team of surgeons ooze a quiet confidence and are still targetting a ‘curative solution’ so that gives me confidence. Although it is lengthy, complex, involved surgery, they routinely perform it once a week and, for my diagnosis, have a 85% success rate.

Recovery will entail three weeks in hospital with nurses constantly interrupting ‘Homes Under The Hammer’ to take my temperature, oxygen saturation and blood pressure followed by six further weeks rest and recuperation at home filling in my Euro 2012 wall planner and carefully drafting my London Olympics 2012 viewing timetable.