quandry on the MRI scanner

Today I visited my friends at the Royal Marsden in Sutton for routine MRI and CT scans. As I completed the pre-flight questionnaire and carefully removed all metal accessories from my person, I laid down on the bed ready to be inserted into the MRI scanner. A nurse injects some muscle relaxant into my right arm.

Then came the question, I’d been dreading – ‘Would you like any music during the scan ?’ ‘Yes please’. ‘What would you like ?’ ‘Have you got ‘Give Em Enough Rope’ by ‘The Clash’ ? ‘Err no – I don’t think so’. ‘High Violet’ by The National ?’ ‘Not heard of that one’. ‘50,000 Fall fans can’t be wrong ?’  ‘Err – sorry. Never heard of that one either’. ‘Best of R.E.M ?’ ‘Oooh – I do lurve R.E.M but I don’t think we have it here’.  This was getting desperate – time to go for the one of the most popular albums of all-time ‘ Do you have ‘Never MInd’ by Seattle grunge rockers, Nirvana ?’ ‘Julie – any Nirvana back there – try looking in the bottom drawer of Frank’s pedestal’. A slight pause while Julie forages around in Frank’s drawers – ‘Sorry, it’s locked’.

‘Ah OK – maybe just tell me what you have got…’ ‘Well we have ‘Now That’s What I call 80s’ and that Pink Floyd one with the prism. ‘Oh no – sorry but I’m not having ‘Dark Side Of The Moon’ – that LP was why punk was invented”. Julie emerges breathless but triumphant and offers: ‘Hang on, I think there’s something by Enya’. ‘Not really my taste – do you have any gentle, soothing, calm music of whale noises accompanied by a Irish harp ?’ ‘No – I think The Medical Day Unit borrowed our copy for their Christmas party’. ‘Julie – what else do we have back there ?’ Julie responds ‘I’ve just found a CD disc in the bookshelf – no case but it has a lot of red rose petals on’. ‘Hey that’s fantastic ! ‘No More Heroes’ by The Stranglers. That’s great – please just play that. Thanks a lot’.

I re-position my legs over the support cushion, get comfortable and adjust my head into the correct position for the 45 minute scan looking forward to listening to a long forgotten punk classic in its entirety.

The headphones are carefully lowered over my ears and the alarm buzzer is placed into my palm.

The first scan is imminent – ‘This scan will last for 7 minutes – please remain perfectly still’.

Then Julie comes on the intercom – ‘I’m awfully sorry, Mr. Brightside – this CD appears to be ‘All Woman III’. Is that OK ?’